Daniel! (or The Child as he will be reffered to from now on)

Friday morning I woke up with some braxton hicks and went in for my 38 week apt and was told by the midwife that I was 2-3 centimeters dilated, 90% effaced and baby was engaged. Of course, I hadn't bought a car seat, the prefolds had not been dyed, bags haven't been packed and I hadn't even bought the stuff I needed for postpartum. Fortunately I was able to get out of work early and swing by the store to pick up the car seat. I continued to have more braxton hicks through the day but around 8pm they became real labor pains (took me talking to the mw for awhile to realize that they'd become real labor pains). I guess I should back up a bit and say that on Weds nite I felt a "shift" in my body but wasn't sure what it meant. I tried to get some sleep friday nite but the contractions wouldn't let me sleep. They were 15 mins apart and at 2am I told The Hubby to take me to the birth center because I was sure that this kid was coming this weekend. By the time that my MIL came over to watch The Kid (we didn't want to wake him to take him with us), we swung about 15 mins the opposite way to find an open pharmacy so that The Hubby could get some antacids, and made it to the birth center, it was 3am.

When we got there she checked me and I was dilated to a 6-7 but the cervix was still at 90%. By the time that the tub was filled the contractions were coming in around every 5 mins. Dear lord it was sooo good getting in that tub. Of course, I stalled my own labor by relaxing so much I fell asleep in the tub twice so The Hubby made me stand up and walk a bit in the tub between contractions. The last little bit of the cervix just would not give and it was still a bit too thick for her to be able to slip it under the head so at 8:30am we decided to break my water. Stubborn cervix still wouldn't give way until just past 9am. Near the end, the pain was so great that I'm pretty sure had I been at the hospital I would've begged for a csect. It was only the encouragement from the mw and The Hubby that kept me from being transferred to the hospital even though I kept telling them that I couldn't do it and they needed to figure out a way to get that baby out NOW! At 9:15 I got the go ahead to start pushing and he came at 9:26am. The cord was wrapped around his neck once and it took a bit of help to get him breathing properly. Turned out that he was a bit earlier than expected. The mw said that going by his feet, ears, and the amount of vernix covering him; that he'd JUST turned 37 weeks. Figures that my due dates were off.

The only good thing about having him early was that he weighed 8 lbs 1 oz and his head measured 14 inches. I can't even fathom how much bigger his head would've been had he been full term. AND I had no tearing! I was so relieved by that! Even though he was born at 9:26, they couldn't get him weighted or measured until 11:30am because the boy would not come off the boob Everytime that I thought he'd finished and would remove him from the breast, he'd complain. He's been nursing so well that my milk's almost fully in and he's had four bowel movements already. Hope all that meconium is fully out cuz I forgot to put a liner in the first couple of diapers and they got dirty with meconium. He needs a haircut in the worse possible way too

We got discharged at 1pm but I had to wait a while while The Hubby went and got the carseat installed and took The Kid to the sitter's. Of course, when MIL came over the house to visit the first thing out of her mouth was "I thought you were having twins, they left one inside you." If looks could kill, I would be in jail right now. Her only saving grace was that the pastor's wife was present and she steered the conversation away. But the whole time I was giving MIL the deathlook and didn't speak to her directly for the rest of their visit. I doubt that I'll be as cordial to her next time I see her. Here he is with big bro

It's been hecka crazy busy around here between work and home. Plus, I've been trying to get to 1000 posts on the mothering board I belong to so I've been neglecting you guys in the process. sowwey.:( Still working, still pregnant, am huuge. Am so big, if I went to seaworld dressed in black right now, they wouldn't let me out. Katie, where the heck are you? You better be hooked up to a murder machine or be repeatedly stabbed in the eye with a spork or I'll go over to where you are and do it myself. Geez woman, you act as though JTHM has you in his basement or something. Although knowing you, you probably went to find Johnen and discovered that JTHM does exist. No fair, I wanted to be there when you went to his house. Hopefully this bean will come out before the 10th of Jan so that I can go on maternity leave already. It's getting to be ridiculous to walk/bounce up and down the four flights of stairs every single day.

In The Kid news, we're starting potty training. yay(can you tell am extremely excited? snort) easier said than done with someone that will purposefully NOT do anything in the potty when sat on it for two hours and wait for the moment you get him up to poop on himself and hide. I swear he must like the squishy feeling....

And we have some sort of beetle infestation in the house. We have no idea what the heck they are except that they:
a)look like teeny beetles (smaller than a grain of rice)
b)are brown
c)fly
d)seem to like the food pantry
e)the bomb thingie doesn't do anything for them
f)are NOT fleas

we think that they came in the house through some non refridgerable produce bought at the farmer's market and we don't know how the heck to get them out of the house.

Whether you have had children, taught children or just observed children in the grocery store,

you're gonna love this one:

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brothe r, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back a nd groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." (Then Erica lies down wi th her back against the wall.)

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden , out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was f rom Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."


got this off my board.

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

Please be advised that your cashier might have the mental capacity of a coffeemaker.


Seriously, I went there to cash one of my WIC checks (we really wouldn't be able to get by without them) and to those that aren't familiar, a wic check usually consists of: 2 gallons of milk, 1 pound of cheese, 2 bottles of juice, cereal, peanut butter.

Anyways, I went there and got all the stuff in the check and went to the checkout. I had two eight ounce packets of the wic cheese which is the only way you can get the cheese at this particular walmart since they don't have the pound packets. But I digress. I was confronted by the cashier and told that because my check was for ONE POUND of cheese, I could only get one EIGHT OUNCE pack otherwise I'd be taking more cheese than I should.

Let me do the math for you: one pound equals 16 ounces. 8+8=16. That means that two eight ounce packets of cheese are the same as one 16 ounce packet of cheese. I was totally embarassed for her. She wasn't an elderly person, nor an overly young lady. She was around my age (halfway to 50 if you're keeping track) and seemed smart enough on the outside (at least smart enough to wear about a thousand dollar's worth of gold chains around her neck, five inch perfectly manicured nails, and a hairdo that would set me back at least a hundred big ones) so I didn't understand what her problem was. Yes, the manager had to be called and yes, everyone in the line and the manager were looking at her like she'd grown three heads. I didn't yell at her or anything, I was just completely dumbfounded that she could somehow think that eight ounces equals one pound.

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside, she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Dye it. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

It's green and I even wrote Irish Spring on the top of it. $5.00 per bar plus shipping.



I just had to post this here. I saw it at my board and was rolling on the floor in giggle fits because of it.

Dear Mr. Impatient:

I understand that you were late for work this morning. As a matter of fact, so was I. I also understand that you really really wanted to make that left turn when the light was green for it. What I don't understand is how you expected me to ram my truck on top of the car that was in front of me so that you could have just one more inch of space so you could get in the left turn lane. In case you didn't notice, there was TRAFFIC and a RED LIGHT in front of me stopping me from doing as you wanted me to. I did find it funny how when the left turn light turned green, you started to honk at me with renewed intensity. As if the last four minutes of you honking didn't drive the point into me enough, you felt the need to lay your hands on the horn and keep them there. I was kinda hoping that you'd try to drive over the cement divider thing so that I could see if your teeny tiny car would've flipped over on its side like a turtle. That would've been funny. Even funnier if you'd landed right against my car. Cuz you know what? I would've sued the pants off you for being so darn stupid to put mine and everyone else's lives in danger.


PS: Was there a full moon last night or some sort of sports game that I didn't know about? There were about 15 car crashes and accidents that I passed on my way to work today. Way more than usual. Oh yeah, if I ever see you on the road and you try to pull a stunt like that again. I will hurt you, physically mentally hurt you. Don't mess with a hormonal pregnant woman that hasn't had breakfast and is driving a big truck.

Yay! helloween is over and we can all get back to the important stuff. Like it's November and turkey day is fast approaching. Which means that I'm getting old. Oh my gosh! I'm gonna be halfway to 50 in a matter of days!!!! Oh No! Am old! Need botox! Lipo! Tummy tuck (okay, that last one is most likely true), Laser vein removal! Save me!

this is a very powerful song.

Free Personals from JustSayHi

And all because I mentioned poop (2x) and retard (1x). Can't remember retard, but poop was probably back when The Kid was salmonella boy...

So, I'm at the grocery store loading up the truck (Ford F150 all blinged out). Am not wearing a wedding ring bc my fingers are swollen and look like sausages (mmmm sausage....) when who comes up to me but a Jehovah's Witness lady. Now, I don't have problems if you're a JW. But I do have a problem with judgemental people who judge you and then try to force you to go to their church. What does this lady say to me you ask? okee, me her got it?

Look at you, all pregnant and married I suppose. People do still marry before they get pregnant, right?
Umn...yeah, okay....
Blah blah blah, Atalaya magazine blah blah blah
did I mention that at this point she's blocking me so that I can't open my car door?
I don't want your magazine, I have my own church that I go to and like very much. Thank you though, good bye.

That's when I managed to get the truck opened and left. She was bewildered standing in the parking lot holding on to my cart. Geez, how can people in this day and age be judgemental towards a very heavily pregnant woman without a wedding band? I mean, I know to expect that stuff if I go to say the Dominican or some Muslim country but in the U.S.? It's not like this country is uptight or something, we'll probably have a gay president much sooner than we do a female one (no offense to gays out there). People, be nice to big fat pregnant women without a wedding band. She could be driving a Ford F150 and run you off the road.

"If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should -- you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." --Dave Barry

Free museum admission this Saturday! Go to this link to find a museum near you and get some edumacation in you :)
here!

Fluff: I bought a whole bunch of cloth diapers before I even knew that I was preggers (but coincidentially after I conceived). The only problem is that they're all girl diapers. Like hot pink and flowers and butterflies. I even bought dye to dye some other diapers that I had around that weren't of any particular color. My whole stash was complete until almost potty training time. I spent around $300 on that stash. Granted, some of those diapers were actually bought for The Kid and a lot of the stuff can be interchanged between the both of them. My only problem right now is that I don't think The Hubby will let me put a diaper on baby D that says: Daddy's little princess. But gosh, cloth diapering is so addictive that the first thing that crossed my mind after I got over the shock of having another boy is: Great! Now I get to sell all my diapers and buy new ones! Whoo-hoo! Which kinda sucks at this moment since it seems like everyone who cloth diapers is having a boy making all the boy stuff very expensive. Also making all the girl stuff up for sale very cheap. I'm hoping to recuperate the money I've invested in the girl fluff enough so that I can buy the boy stuff. It might not go as planned. I went through my stash and at least half of it is gender neutral enough to be usable with a boy and since I didn't get to dye those diapers, I'll be able to dye them boy colors instead of the hot pink and violet that I planned. My only question is this, will a lavender diaper be manly enough for a boy or will it wuss him out?
Stuff: You see that little thingamajig on my sidebar that has a lil fetus on it? Well, imagine that same thing, only with a fetus that is tapdancing on your bladder and whose head is pressing so hard against your back nerves that it hurts to walk.

That's me in a nutshell.

Gosh, when will I surround myself with more cultured folk? Today we had a farewell party for one of the interns. They ordered pizza. The manager asked if we had any special requests so of course I said "hawaiian with bacon instead of ham." I didn't think they'd listen to me since they have written me off as the loon of the company and all but they did seeing as how I was the only person to ask for a special request. Those vampires! They ate my pizza! They only allowed me to take two slices and they ate an extra large pizza within minutes! No fair! I wanted it for myself! Don't mess with G-Masta's food, fool. Don't even think about it. Now I'm stuck eating a plain cheese slice with ketchup for the crust of course.:)

So, I had a car accident on sunday (don't worry, I'm okay) and my doctor said that it would be better if I stayed home and took it easy for a few days so she put me on bedrest until this morning. Which means that I was completely out of the loop for a whole week internets, how did you manage to breathe and blink in my absence? The good news is that That One is fine, all the body parts are in place: heads, arms, legs, peepees, etc.

That's right, it's a boy! Plus they said that he'll be here sooner than we expected and changed the due date from 1/21 to 1/11. Goodness, can't wait to meet this lil dude!

Your prenatal vitamin of choice just happens to be Flinstone's Sour Gummies and you fight your toddler for the bottle....


Do you think I've a problem?

Tony, this one's for you! I have to get the pics out of my camera and upload them here though. We went to a waterpark on Saturday and what do you think we saw???


A KFC all you can eat buffet! Yes! With the colonel's chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and everything in the menu as an all you can eat!

And he was crying telling me that he made caca and needed to get his dipe changed. Poor thing was farting like he ate a can of beans. It was cute that he didn't want the ickyness near him but not cute when he forced me to change his dipe twice..

Oh goodness, I got a troll. That must mean that I'm getting to be popular! Yay! But I still want to adress the things that this crazy has written. Awhile back (and by that I mean January), I posted something and in it I mentioned my habit of standing close to The Hubby and stealing his oxygen. Well, it seems like some weirdos out there don't realize that it's my blog and that in it I post my thoughts. And also, these weirdos don't even have the manstuff to put their names on their posting. They choose to post anonymously. So, since they decided to post this at like 2am last night, I'm going to address it here so that Katie can take a crack at them. Here's what the HeShe posted:

Anonymous said...
You are a real whacko! I breathe all the air around him? Gosh, heck with the bango equiptment I would be running for clean air.. You are really a nut=case and feel sorry for your bango church boy!
my-2-cents

2:20 AM

First of all dear anon: When quoting someone it is best to mark it differently since it could be mistaken as your own thoughts. What do you mean by a whacko? I understand wacko and I know there's a game called whackamole. Are you calling me some sort of condensed version of these two words? Please elaborate on that. Now, if you're breathing all the air around my hubby stop before you need to open your mouth when I have to tie my shoe. Only I am allowed to do that, that's why I'm married to him. Get your own hubby to give you free used oxygen. Second, equiptment is not spelled that way. Get a spellchecker. And if you start crying about how posting doesn't have spellchecker, type your info in Word first and then copy/paste in the comment box. Or pass first grade, whatever.

I'm not even going to address the bango equipment (or bango equiptment, as you so kindly pointed out) since I have no idea what you mean by that. As far as I know, I don't have now nor have ever had any interest in bangos. In fact, this is a time when spellchecker might have come in handy since I think you're referring to a banjo (which is a musical instrument to be listened to only in the presence of homemade moonshine or so I'm told). That is, unless in your twisted mind you're pointing out some obscure inane reference of a sexual nature. In that case, I want no part of that and leave me the heck out of it.

Also, I'm not sure where you got your information but nut does not equal case like you point out. But going by your preceeding grammar mistakes, you probably mean a nut case. That's not quite correct either since I am not a case of mixed nuts. Although I do want to know what Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island has to do with nuts. But I digress. See, in order to be a nut case I would have to be different than the rest of the folks out there and there are not two people alike. There are like minded people out there but even they don't agree on every single thing. Not even identical twins raised in a bubble agree on all of the things all of the time. Which means that YOU my nonfriend, are a nut case yourself, maybe you can tell me what the heck a mongongo is (right there under the search for nut case).

And I don't feel sorry for a bango church boy. I don't know any bango church boys but then again, not knowing what the heck a bango is limits my ability to answer this truthfully. Please elaborate on bango church boy. I think that HeShe likes these bangos and while I certainly appreciate new made up words, I usually let people know in advance what my new made up words mean before I start using them liberally in a sentence. You should try that.

Okay so I keep having all these pregnancy dreams. Each one nuttier than the one before. I blame katie for them. Somehow she's responsible for it. Either she alien abducted me and implanted some sort of chip in me or she is my baby daddy. Which judging by one of my previous dreams might just be true.

I dreamt that The Hubby was going to jail for several years (why, I don't know) and he forced me to divorce him and marry one of my bosses. An old man who happens to be married himself. It was so that he could protect me while The Hubby was in the slammer. Well, The Hubby didn't want it to be a paper marriage but a real one so I ended up having twins with the old man. The dream ended with The Hubby getting to be released and me feeling sad because I was going to get divorced to oldie and marry The Hubby again. It was most odd.

Then of course is the dream where Katie had boy parts and some sort of diaper rash (could've been clamydia or syphilis)

Then I dreamt that I was giving birth to the parasite and that I was all mad bc I'd just bought a lot of maternity clothes that I wouldn't be able to use anymore since the babe wouldn't be in my belly. I also kept yelling at The Hubby and was very mad at him for some reason. He probably refused to get me a garlic shrimp milkshake or something.

Speaking of cravings, I never had any with The Kid but am starting to have all these crazy cravings with this pregnancy. Like how a few days ago I just had to eat apples covered in mayo. And it tasted good, baby. Or how I ended up getting a flat tire looking for a spanish store that sold the particular brand of salami that I wanted to fry up and eat with eggs over easy.

Actually, I didn't so much get a flat tire as I tried to do a u-turn at an intersection where there was no room to do one and ended up hitting one of my tires against the curb. And the hit was so hard that it popped the tire rending it unusable.

Sorry my posting's been off. I actually had a vacation! Wee! Of course, I stayed home all week long and did nothing but I didn't have to work and got paid for it and that's all that counts.

I consider myself to be a crunchy mama, so imagine my surprise when I realized that I don’t have any ring slings. I only used pouch slings with The Kid and have been secretly insanely jealous of all the cool ring sling mamas out there. So naturally I needs to get me a ring sling for this babe. I looked around and found this Baby Slings site that has really cool ring slings. I can totally see me in the Organic cotton sateen sling (second one from the top, first picture). In fact, once I have my diaper stash done I’ll most likely buy one of those. Of course I still need one of their other slings (solarveil and water slings come to mind since this child will be born in the spring and I will get to show off the water sling at all of our summer activities). Of course, what I like the most is the fact that this is a home business so I’m not giving my money to some huge corporation that doesn’t care about customer service. I’ve spoken via email with the owner and he’s as nice as can be. I'm all about supporting the small businesses so I give them my money as much as I can.

Oh, and did I mention that they have the most affordable kiddie slings I could find? And they ship all over the world? AND they take paypal not just your credit card? This is more than most big companies will do. They will be in contact with you if you need any help with your sling size and their return policy is great as well. So, I’m getting The Kid a sling and getting me a couple slings as well. Just need to do my ordering in small amounts and have them ship the packages to my job so that I can sneak the things in the house little by little (otherwise The Hubby will have my head on a silver platter). If you’re in the market for a sling, go check them out.

So yesterday The Kid decided that sleep was overrated and did.not.nap. at all. It was hard going there after a while since his body needed it but whatever. When we got home from church it started raining bad so I took him outside to look at the rain since he can't see it very well from inside the house (since the porch railings block his view). He made me get his chair and put it ouside so that he could sit and watch the agua coming down. He also felt the need to let me know that the agua was coming down from above. Once the rain died down he ventured out into the yard and stood around a bit. He also did this one dance that he's been doing lately. It's some sort of jive with a little merengue in it. It also has some bootie shakin' and comes with it's own song that he made up and we can't figure out the words to. He did fall asleep around seven pm so at least I got some respite there. Oh, and he's the sweatiest child I know. We cuddled up a bit in the couch before I took him to bed and (I'd taken his shirt off since I'd given him some corn on the cob) his back was filled with sweat beads within minutes. His whole head was covered in sweat as well.

Goes to show you how the things we take for granted can actually be pretty cool in their own rights. It's been a long time since I stared at the rain falling. To put it in Dr. Seus' words: A person's a person, no matter how small.

That's what I'm naming this parasitic* little person inside me. I'm tired of calling her an it, foetus, and mini me. So I decided on naming it a bloop. By the way, notice how I redid my links bar. There's a link to the birth center where I'm gonna burst open this belated christmas present. Also, check out bob the angry flower. The writer is Canadian and is actually funny. He does good movie reviews as well. I've also decided to redo my site. I don't have the money to buy my own domain name yet, but when I do, I will do that. I'm also going to try to do more posting of higher quality. And I promise I will start commenting on everyone whose blogs I read (and that's everyone in my linkage list and more that are not there right now)

In morning sickness front, it seems as though the pukiness has subsided somewhat. I'm not as sick as I was, but still getting sick. Progress? Maybe. Right now I'm eating some exotic vegetable chips with garlic, oregano, olive oil, and a hint of lemon. They're very good. Made you hungry yet Katie? No? Well then, yesterday I had a deelishus BBQ chicken sandwich at a good Italian restaurant (their pizza slices are almost as big as my head, and that's pretty big if I do say so myself)

**A parasite commonly refers to an organism that lives on or inside another organism, a phenomenon known as parasitism. Some parasites are social parasites, taking advantage of interactions between members of a social host species such as ants or termites to their detriment. Kleptoparasitism involves the parasite stealing food that the host has caught or otherwise prepared. So as you can see, being pregnant is like having parasites and having children is like having little parasites outside your body constantly stealing and eating the food that you've caught or prepared. And I can't be sharing my hawaiian pizza with bacon instead of ham with anyone (except for katie, but she'll just stare at me until I give in) much less a parasite.

think about this one...

God, this pregnancy has hit me like a ton of bricks. If any of you have any teenage girls that you want to scare away from premarital horizontal hello, send them my way. After watching me puke up everything in me for a couple of days, I doubt that they'd want to start engaging in alone time. It goes like this, I wake up, puke. eat, puke, eat some more, puke. Cuz puking makes me so very hungry that I get shivers and tremble. I feel like this foetus' life is endangered and that my body might eat it at any moment. So I eat. And then I puke. And, if I'm lucky I don't have to change my undies after puking. That's right, internet. I said that puking makes me pee. There Katie, Happy? Now you know my innermost deepest secret. Oh, and if you puke first thing in the morning and don't have anything in your stomach yet...your puke will actually look and feel like raw egg yolks.

Yes, Katie, I went there.

Oh, and it's not a morning thing. I shake my fist at whomever called this morning sickness. It's an all day thing. As in, I can't even eat my supper in peace without the nausea coming up. As in, it gets worse at night time.

Okay, so I was going around all bored and came upon this site about Sandcastles. So I decided to make me one of them. See! Aint it pretty? After I made my oh so awesome castle, I added some crabs** (at least, I hope they’re crabs and not those weird icky teeny gray spiders that look like tarantulas that are around sometimes). Anyways, my crabs are protecting my castle in all its purpley glory. It was so easy to make this and the color choices were awesome. Kinda makes me want to go to the beach now. As you can see also, if I can do this, a two year old paraplegic monkey can do it. It’s that easy. You just click on a castle piece and drag it where you want it to go and then you can change it’s colors however you want it. Even though I could have had a purple castle, I decided to go with the au natural color since it was pretty too. And so many accessories to choose from! I didn’t know what to pick and choose to go in my awesome castle. I ended up choosing all the crabs since I wasn’t sure if they were in fact crabs or spiders. I felt it added a touch of mystery to the whole effect. And best of all, while your castle is loading, you get to play with a ball. I was so very excited to play with that ball that will most likely make another castle just so that I can go through the saving process and play with that ball again. You can send them to your friends or save them as wallpaper. It’s a very neat idea.

**I know they’re crabs, everyone knows spiders don’t live in the sea. It’s just that they looked like spiders that for a second I was confused.

Sorry, been busy up to my eyeballs.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
Into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
You're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
In case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
Who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
To get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
Don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
You'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think
You were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope
They turn out just like you

Mother: a verb, not a noun.

Boy, n: A noise with dirt on it.

Have you ever puked so violently hard that pee comes out of you? I don't mean maybe a drop or two. I mean a full torrent of pee so bad that you have to wash up your legs and change your pants? Not once in the morning but several times throughout the day?


Yeah, me neither....Only 7 more months of this to go. Only 7 more months of this to go. Only 7 more months of this to go. Only 7 more months of this to go. Only 7 more months of this to go. Only 7 more months of this to go.

First off, let me start by saying that I've never voted before. Not because I wasn't old enough, but because I wasn't allowed until recently when I became a citizen. Now, I have known in each election who I wanted to win. In the 2000 elections, I wanted Gore to win only because he was friends with Clinton and I liked Clinton. Sure, Gore walked like he ran out of the hospital in the middle of his colonoscopy, but we all have our quirks. I didn't like Bush, I didn't like his daddy and I didn't like him. Period. Fast forward to the 2004 elections. Now it's Kerry and Bush again. While my feelings for Bush have not changed, I am as shallow as a puddle and cannot allow the country to be run by someone that literally looks like the california raisin man.

I would so much rather see the country in the hands of a parkinsons/alzheimers diseased old man than a wrinkley excuse for a stretched out piece of leather. See, what this country needs is a good looking president. That will solve our problems. Think about it, everytime that a good looking president has been on top, we've had good times. Take JFK for example, now THAT was a man. So what if he was a drugged up sex addict? He looked good in pictures. That's all that counts. Take Clinton, now he may not be winning any beauty pageants but compared to 1st Bush, Reagan, and that other guy, he's all man. And that's why he won. Now, if the Democrats want to win this election, they should get themselves a good looking man and pit him against that floating sack of old that's Cheney and they're guaranteed to win. After all, we all know cyborgs can't be presidents and he's had so many surgeries that he should be classified as one.

For your viewing pleasure. Notice the headband action there.

So my sister has been scanning pictures and emailing them to me. And Holy Poop on a stick They're old skool pictures. And by old skool, I mean old skool. Can you guess which one I am? Hint, I have the 'groovy" red shoes on.
I must've been like 6 at the time...



be prepared to see a whole lotta me.

So, I gots tagged. Again. But this time the Papa tagged me. It's about the meaning of the names. So, The Kid's real name is Joseph. It's hebrew and it means May Jah Give Increase. But my name, my name's something quite weird. It's Gisselle. It was supposed to be Arlette but my father changed it when he went to register me (in the DR you don't register babies at the hospital but later in life). He also changed my sister's name from I don't remember what it was supposed to be, to his ex-girlfriend's name. I don't think that my mom was very happy with that decision. As for The Hubby, he has one of the common names that you see hispanic men with. It's either Jose, Roberto, Pedro, or Luis. Back to The Kid, he was not named by either myself or The Hubby. He was actually named by God himself. You see, The Hubby had a vision where God told him that he would have a son and that he must name the boy Joseph. And since you can't really go against God's will because he can smite you, we did. His middle name is Ethanael, I chose that because while I was pregnant I had a crush on Ethan from Passions (give me a break, had nothing to do all day but sleep and watch soaps).

Feeling Stressed?

Tough day at the office?

Feel like slapping someone?


Click in the link and then move your mouse around.

linkalinkidink

Andrew gives you the lowdown

So there’s this girl, well she’s an actress. And she’s been in such movies as Kiss Me Again, Serving Sara, Las Vegas, and Numb3rs. And she’s very lonely and needing herself a date. There are a bunch of really funny submission videos at GoFish.com right now! Go check them out. One of the funniest things about the contest is that anyone can participate. So even if you’re a girl that’s into that sort of thing, you can actually win a date with her. This is not just win a date, is actually Seduce a Celeb. So you can actually see that your seducing charms worked and won you that much coveted date.
go here and check out theFree videos at GoFish.com
I think that someone should record themselves flinging spaghetti at a wall saying that the voices told them to do so. Then they could do a close up of the spaghetti wall spelling her name and do the cheapo idea lighbulb thing when they realize that they can enter the contest and win a date. But then again, I am running on just one banana and one guava today. Am starving so my ramblings will probably seem like crazy talk to you. Which fits perfectly with the whole overtone of the contest as my very rambley video could actually be a winner. Only thing is that I don’t think The Hubby would appreciate me going on dates with other people….

umn....so several things have gone on this week. Among them is the fact that I'm currently right now exactly this minute holding within me the next heir to the sourpatch fortune (all three candy bars of it)..






yeah, I'm preggers.

I love me some payperpost! It's the best way to get paid to blogI haven’t told you guys how much money I’ve made with it, have I? Well, so far I’ve made about $182 dollars. But I don’t post everyday, I will start doing more though. I’ve seen some people that have made over six hundred dollars! It’s easy to do this, only write a little bit when I want and about what I want and sit back waiting for the money to roll in. It has helped me raise my page rank from like a negative zero to a three and I hope that it will help me go up to a higher page rank soon enough. Pay per post is the best thing since sliced bread!

Oh Goodness, I just noticed that I got tagged by a couple people! Well, I'll do the Nutz one first tag first.

Rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the state and country you're in.

2. List our your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location (locally).

3. Tag 5 other peole (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they've been tagged.

I live in Tampa, Florida (population 289,790. Waaaay more than what that nutty mommahas in her town!)

1. Taco bus - it's not actually named that, but everyone refers to it as such. It has the very best tacos in the world. They really season their chicken well and put lime and homemade salsa in their tacos.

2. Sonic - I know it's a chain, but I just love me them strawberry limeades!

3. Golden dragon Restaurant - Pupu platter anyone?

4. Acropolis - The best Greek food around.

5. Food court in the Mall - I'm sorry, but there's no beating walking around the food court getting fed free food!

Who to tag, who to tag....
Katie
Papajoneh
Induetime
anyone else care to join?

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

**************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." **************************************************

If you ever wanted to start a restaurant but didn’t have the money to do so; now’s the perfect time. You see, there’s this company, and they give out short termsmall business loans. And since the money that you will receive (working capital) is a loan for the business, all the interest is deductible. What does that mean? Well, it means that basically you get an interest free loan for your business.

I have got myself an edumacation! I am officially a diplomaed person! I have an Associate of Arts in Business Administration! Yay! It only took me three and a half years! Yay! Whee! Soo very happy for me! Also, I found out about this skool. It's a christian skool in Florida and I can get me my Bachelor's in only 15 months! Yay! And it's one class at a time. And it's online classes. And each class lasts four weeks. Oh boy! Oh boy! I will be an accomplished woman in no time.

Or, another reason why I want to home skool my kids.


I wonder how he was able to sit down with that big ole rifle stuck in his pants.. he, he. Is that a rifle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

If you have an electric toothbrush, it's probably not a good idea to take it out of your mouth while it's still on. You might end up getting some toothpaste in your eye and go temporarily blind.


I'm just saying...

How come no one has commented on my last post? It's been there all day and I didn't put it there to be cute. I put it there to get feedback. Katie, if you have time to peruse Youtube for morbid dancing nakey cat videos like this, you've got time to comment. Man, what do I gotta do to get you to comment here? pry your computer open from the inside out? Shame on you Katherine K Katsikas! Shame on you!

I will wither and die without comments! Noooooo, must...stay...alive.....

UPDATED AT THE BOTTOM
So yeah, it's been a heckalong week:
Monday: After dealing with all the work stress all day long......go to skool learn that after we've been told the whole semester that the final would be open notes, now it's not. Did I mention that the final is Weds? And that it's math (my archenemy).

Tuesday: Have to attend "training seminar" at work due to some panel interviews that we're to hold. Stress* me out a lot. Am sent home with a pile of resumes to go over on TOP of my math junk I have to go over. Lose my T1-83 calculator. Have no idea what happened to it. Am about to go into fetal position. Had to beg the receptionist to lend me a crappy looking thing that a kindergartener wouldn't be seen with.

Wednesday: Have to be at the interview room at 8:15am. Not a good idea since I'm extremely cranky if I don't eat a cuban/meatball sub/can of chefboyardee early in the morning. Am starving and losing my mind. First two interviews were like night/day. Extremely different**. Break for lunch and run over to the taco bus to gets me some of the best tacos in town. Had no time to study and*** have to run back and interview some more. Didn't finish the interviews until 4:50pm. The VP of our segment called us to get our feedback on the people we intervied. Didn't get out of that until 5:30pm. Did I mention my final was today? Yeah. Run over to skool's cafeteria and get with the other students there. We're all trying to study but it's hard since the teacher gave us this chapter in two weeks, and he wasn't even in skool two of those days(two day a week class). Did I mention that he won't answer any questions directly? Like, if I don't understand question five and ask him to explain....He will look at me and say: if it makes you feel better, put what you want there.WTH?**** All of us dumb students try to figure out how to do things. We finally figure out how to work things out then we have to rush over to the class.

Test was eeeeesseee. Was more of what I would expect a 5 year old to do. I better get an A in it or I'll put flaming bags of poo in his house.

*got a cold sore right in the middle of my lips. I've never even seen one that wasn't at the corners of the lips, let alone in the middle. It's HUGE.

**Tip for all you job seekers: if you're being interviewed and someone asks you a question, don't be all huffy and say: "I believe we already covered that already" when A)we haven't. and B) we're interviewing you not the other way around. Be a professional already and answer the darn question. Also, vague answers don't quite cut it. Be prepared to back up what you have on your resume with specific detailed answers. And don't say that you don't want to be a "road warrior" when you know full well that the position YOU applied for requires 15-30% unexpected travel. On eye contact: don't assume that one person is the main decision maker and only speak to that person when other people are asking you a question. Also, panel interviews mean that everyone on the panel will make a decision, not just the one person you single out to the point of ignoring others.

***Got a soda out of the electric cooler thing. When I opened it, it fizzled all over the place. Thank goodness that I was next to a trash can. What didn't fizzle out, was frozen. People, stop turning the temperature in the cooler thing all the way down. You have exploded several cans of soda already. Grow up.

****what the heck.

UPDATE: Also, if your interview is at say, 10am. Please do NOT show up at the jobsite at 7:30AM! I mean, seriously! What are you expecting, that we take you before everyone else? Be a professional about it. What irks me most is that this person was (since she's not even going on to the second round of interviews) applying for an HR Director of the Americas Region position. The kind of thing that you need to be a professional and that you make way more than six figures. NOT the kind of job you get at your local Mickey D's. Act like an adult and not an impetulent child.

If you’re like me, you’ll end up buying way too much stuff with way too little money. Or you’ll end up overpaying for something that you just realized that you HAD to have something that you didn’t even know existed and now have to explain to your husband/wife/momma how you paid 10 dollars (plus shipping) for a 3 dollar item..

Or you’re just naturally broke but still want to be able to shop whenever you want. That’s where bid4prizes comes into play. Instead of bidding up and being stuck paying more than top dollar for an item you could’ve gotten for half price at the store, you’re actually bidding down. Yeah, I know. It’s not the top offer that wins, but the lowest bid that wins. And best of all, you don’t even pay for your bid if you win. Only catch is, you can only win once every ninety days which is killer for me because I already have my eye on several things. Including a BMW 3 series! Imagine moi driving a beautiful BMW! I have to go now and bid, bid, bid until I win, win, win!

And I updated my links to reflect all the blogs that I'm following and then this morning realized that am missing more than a few. Apparently I have to organize things better since blogger won't let me put loads and loads of links in one category. Sorry to all you guys that are off my roll right now. I will update it later today/tomorrow.

I have to come out and say it. I can't hide it any longer and besides, Katie's been wanting to laugh and point fingers at me.

My mother is an addict. Not illegal drugs, mind you. She's addicted to prescription pills. It's disgusting, really. Her nightstand is full of Tylenol PM, Excedrin, Nyquil, Fioricet, and a whole host of other stuff that I can't pronounce much less spell. She excuses herself saying that she suffers from migraines to take her medicine, but it's not true. There's nothing mores icky nasty than having your mother call you and try to talk to you all highey. You can't understand a word she says. Thankfully, I don't live anywhere near her so I don't have to put up with it. But my brothers are still living at home, the youngest one being like 8 or so. And they have to live with it. I wish that I could bring them to live with me to save them from their living conditions but I can't afford to have them with me, and we don't have a very large house that we can put up three kids (two of them teens) in it.

Reading Katie's post today, I realized that someone has seen my blog in Orlando. and someone else saw my blog from Thonotosassa. Now, I know Katie has no idea of where these towns are, but they are a hop, skip, and a jump from me. The internet is getting closer to me. Pretty soon, real life people that see me everyday are going to know about me. They will read my posts and I will have to poke my eyes out with a spork! The pain! The humanity! Not that I'm opposed to people reading me, is just that I'm afraid that they will force me to either password protect the site, or to pull it completely.

In other words, how the heck does Katie get more views than I do? It's just not fair! I'm so much more likeable and beautiful and nice and pretty and! I! Like! Monkeys! How do you top that? Not fair, I think. Not fair at all.

A couple of years ago, The Hubby and me went to a conference in Orlando and we stayed at this beautiful vacation home. It was the stuff dreams are made of, lots of room and beautiful furniture. The Hubby and I inquired at the rental office how much it would cost to buy one of those houses (there was a sign). They gave us a bit of a run around and we ended up having to find the information ourselves off the net. This is where this Property Investments company comes in. They do all the guesswork for you so that you won’t feel alone. You see, there are several prices in a home. You could have a price for a preconstruction house of $100K. That same house would cost $130K half way through construction and a cool $150K once it’s finished. The trick is getting the house before they build it so that you can have all that nice, shweet equity built in the house without doing too much on your part.


this is a paid post

Updated to add more words!

I noticed that I haven't updated ya'll on The Kid, so here it goes.
He's 18 months old and gets into everything. He won't even let me poop in peace. YOU try to do number 2 while bouncing a child in your lap and singing elmo songs! Let's see how you like it! But other than that, he's right on schedule with stuff, I guess. Here are the words that come out of his mouth lately:
abuela (grandma), mama, papa, ka (short for snack. It's pronounced like a loud karate scream, kaaaaaaa!), leche (milk), jugo (juice),wassup (hilarious to hear him say it because he will whisper it and stick his tongue out),que? (what), The Kid (well, actually his name), cow, moo, quack, duck, hielo (ice, he pronounces it yellow), red, blue, car, one, two, whee!,

pretty (pronounced peee-teee. He directs this at the mirror right after he's freshly cleaned and dressed. He likes to see himself peetee), isa, dimar, nati, asa (names of family friends), loco, pata (leg, also means gay in some spanish areas), pie, eye, ear, nooo!, look at that! (except he pronounces it, ahkala!), bye, allo' (pronounced very british), wow, what, and he does say other things that we've yet to decipher. Now I have to go eat, am starving, like marvin.

** He also says Dios (God. He pronounces it like Homer's D'oh!), Haleluyah (aaahuuuya!), and Amen (fine, he actually says aw man! But I'm telling people that he's saying Amen like a good little boy, heheh)**

Okay, so I had this job where I monitored court proceedings. It was actually fun, me being the nosy nelly that I am and all. And since most of everything I saw and heard is public record I can talk about it. Except the other stuff, the juicy things. Those I can't really talk about (although they never told me not to, I just figure that since the transcripts are not available to the public, that I can't talk about it). Of course, that only means Katie's curiosity has been sparked.
FYI when you first go to court to get a restraining order, you initially get a 30 day emergency one. You have to show up in court to get it to be made permanent (usually 12 months). If during the time that either the temporary or permanent restraining orders are in effect the other person breaks contact (even by calling the other person), they can go to jail from anywhere between 1-12 months depending on severity of offense. But first they have to go in front of the Judge and explain why they broke the restraining order.

Anyways, we had this case in domestic violence court (that's where all the injunctions or restraining orders are done). This woman was at a family BBQ. There were only 2 rack of ribs for everyone there to share. There were about 17 people at the BBQ. The woman in question took 1/2 a rack for herself, another woman didn't think it was right. A fight ensued, they ended up putting restraining orders against each other.

This other woman, she got a restraining order against her ex husband and it was made permanent. She later called the police and said that the ex came and beat her up. She was in pretty bad shape. Bruises, torn clothing, pulled hair, furniture all over the place, broken things, you name it. It looked like the guy did a pretty good job of getting the woman. The judge issued a Warrant for the guy's arrest and then when their court date came up, all poop hit the fan. The guy had been saying from the beginning that the woman was lying (don't all wife beaters say that?) but he could never prove it. This time he told the judge that he had solid proof that he did not do anything to the woman. The judge, curiously asked what kind of proof. I mean, this couple had been in front of him several times already and all. The guy said, and this is where it gets good. He said, I was picked up for drunk driving about 2 hours before the incident. I was sitting in jail when I supposedly beat her up. The woman, could not come up with an answer to that and it was determined by the judge that the woman beat herself up just to get back at the guy. Talk about bad blood huh? I don't remember exactly what the judge did, I know that he terminated the injunction against the man but made one against the woman. He also either jailed or fined the woman for lying to the court. The judge liked to retell this story to all the couples that came in front of him to show the spiteful mean spirited women that they could not lie because they would be found out. Katie, what do you think?

WellWell, if you like to date and are black then you should mosey on over to this newBlack Personals dating site. They have a few hundred new people joining them every day. That means that you can match up with lots of people that are of similar taste than you. This will definitely help you weed out the riff raff from the real deal.



This post was sponsored by Pay Per Post

My sister was pregnant and found out that she was expecting twins. She was told that one of the twins might be dead/ not growing properly. Then she was told that her pregnancy was very high risk and that she could lose the other baby. Then she lost the babies. This is a very very sad story except that The Hubby, in his customary way of not paying attention to what I tell him got things so screwed up, that he told our friends my sister was going to have half a twin. Which is just one baby. Which was hilarious when he said it because to this day he still doesn't get the fact that one of the babies was hiding behind the other one and that's why they couldn't tell things properly the first time. And it's funny because he was trying to explain how there was a maybe baby hiding behind a maybe not baby that was not babyshaped and not quite sure if it was true but maybe not. Which makes me sad because I wanted to see the babies. And it makes me even more sad that my sister's going through this process since it is painful to lose a baby whether it's in utero or outside.

So I just came back from our company's Teambuilding meeting. It's something quite cute that they came up with to get every department to work together. So far, we have gone to Gameworks (adult chuckecheese), Laser tag arena, and today we did a murder mistery thing. It was very much so like Clue except I actually understood what people said and guessed right at the murderer. Because of that I won a hat. Not just any hat, an island girl hat. I look like I should have some too short long pants, a white beater, and be barefoot climbing a coconut tree. S'okay though, I won. That's all that counts!

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of diet pills available? Have you wanted something to help you lose weight without the bothersome diets? Look no more, the Nueslim diet pill has had an overwhelming amount of positive customer feedback and is very reasonably priced at only $9.95 per bottle AND they give you a lifetime money back guarantee. That means that you can use it for more than 30 days until you’re sure this is the pill for you.

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired

Okay, so you thought you were just having fun and enjoying yourself. You thought you were a casual smoker and that people liked you when you were high. Fast forward a few months, years, maybe even weeks depending on how much you did. Now you’re sleeping on a mattress that you can’t even put up on cinder blocks because you sold those for money. You’ve hit rock bottom, what to do? Get thee to a drug detoxification program! The Stone Hawk program is one of the best out there with an 80% success rate versus the 20% the other programs offer. Their key is teaching addicts how to successfully change their lifestyles and become productive members of society. Personally, I’ve never wanted to do drugs (not even when someone called me after snorting coke and was all highey and stuff), but I will definitely recommend this program to people that I see. Katie! Go there and become a productive member of society.

When borrowing your dad's brand new $1,000,000 Ferrari

Do not hit a power pole while driving at 200 MPH

but if you do, make sure that you only have slight bruises and scrapes by wearing your seatbelt

Car was totaled (remember one million smackaroos)
There is a 2 year waiting period for this car.
I believe the dad's exact words were: you will never drive my car again and you will be grounded until cows fly! I don't care you were alive, I cared about my car!
Oh and worst of all.... the car only had 9 miles on it!......
One mile of it was during the wreck...

Katie, the one about the eggs is for you.

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonay."

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Okay, so this lady from church had mold. (Not on her Katie, but on her house) it happened because she’s a single mom and did not give her air conditioner any maintenance which led to mold all over her house. They just moved out into an apartment and had to literally abandon their home and most of the furnishings on it. Even the couch, which looked okay on the outside but when they pulled that fabric-ey lining at the bottom, was full of mold. A site like Pennsylvania Mold Inspector one should help you find a good mold guy.

this is a paid post.

I had a nightmare that i was at work and my belly ached...

Have you ever wondered what the future will hold for you? Do you cringe to think of when you’re 55 and holding your teeth in a cup where your next meal/medicine will come from? Then you need to start investing your money wisely. Go and check out the global futures website and start saving. Seriously, just one pack of cigarettes will run you about 4 dollars a day. that’s about 120 dollars a month. Add to that the money you could be saving yourself by going to seventy five concerts a week (Katie) and you could be on your way to richendom. With as little as $250 you can get started. Why delay, start now. I intend to fully start saving money, right after I get out of my current scrape..

**There is risk of loss trading Futures, options, and forex**

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I can't belive this! Mom is Nutz is bringing back the freebie fridays! I order you to go there and get some freebies! Go now! I command thee~

Have you ever said to yourself: Self, you needs to go out and call your friends across the sea? Well, don’t worry about the cost of international calling anymore, we have Pingo! Just sign up with them and you will get four hours of international calling for free! Go over here to get started and if you refer someone you will get $15.00. Free calls and free money, need I say more? Okay, how about this: you can call China for 1.8 cents a minute. You don’t even have to know anyone there to take the offer, you can meet them once you call! This is great if you have pen pals that you want to get closer to, hehe. You can even use your cell phones and still get a great deal on mobile international calling cards

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Katherine Marie said...
Are you flippin' married to a pastor?! Are you like the family in "Seventh Heaven"?! O jeeze.

I am so not like the family in "Seventh Heaven". I own my house and don't have meddling old biddies sweeping through it to make sure that the church's property is being taken care of. I am married to a pastor. One of three pastors at my church. But he doesn't really do the pastor thing, he's actually the treasurer of the church (and no katie, we don't "borrow" money from church with or without the intent of paying it back). Plus, if I had that many kids I might flush them all down the toilet. Or try. I would at least try.

**edited to add** Oh yeah, I wear pants and gasp! Makeup.

Anyone want the rest of my vicodin? Am not sure I want to finish the whole bottle. Is making me very loopy. But seriously folks, am glad I never did drugs because I don't like the high I'm getting off the medicine. Not sure what the big deal is, maybe because it aint pot or something like that. Maybe illegal drugs give you a better buzz feeling. All I know is that I don't like it. Am kinda fond of my braincells.

Apparently some of us aren't allowed to have major or minor crisis and not post about it because ms Katie will chase us down and chop off our heads. I was out of work thursday and friday because I was busy having an operation. I had to have all of my wisdom teeth taken out. ALL OF THEM. AT THE SAME TIME. UNANIMOUSLY. People, I have stitches inside my mouth. Plus, the doctor cut me. As in, there are cut marks inside my cheek. As in, not anywhere near the back of my mouth. As in, he was playing some sort of crazy tic tac toe game with the nurse. Did I mention that there are stitches inside of me? I am scarred people! Call me scarface! Go ahead, Katie.

I don't remember anything of the past week. I remember that the nurse put me under, and then I remember waking up at home. Nothing in between. The Hubby says that I was so out of it. He says that I was complaining about the crappy nurse that wouldn't give me my teeth and they-came-out-of-me-why-can't-I-have-them-back-why-are-they-hazardous-waste-now? But drunkenlike. So now not only can't I not hold more than one beer (probly less than that since it's been years since last imbibing alcohol), apparently I can't hold anaesthesia either. Thank God that there hasn't been any major swelling. Actually, the drugs they gave me are so good, I been mostly dizzy and drowsy all day long. Have no idea what I'm doing at work today though. I've already puked and almost fainted but I will stubbornly stay on. Oh yeah, I go back to skool today after spring break and have a test due today. Guess how much of it is done. Go ahead, take a gander.

That’s right, I said it. First of all, once again they messed up. I had someone put a complaint on my paypal account for “nondelivery” of an item. An item which I did not sell. Same item that was disputed in the week before. Oh yeah, the same day that the person “sent payment” was the same day that they put the complaint. I thought that there was a wait time or something after someone sent payment before they could put a complaint. Once again, they limited my account and would not let me do anything with it until they “investigated” Their way of investigating meant that they want me to not only fax them my license (they wanted to “verify my identity”), I had to give them an expanded use number (allow them to make a charge in my credit card and then give them the number that shows up in the statement, they’re supposed to refund the money at a later date), AND they want my social security number!

What The Heck? They don’t need no stinkin’ social. I tell you, I was so mad I was crying. They would not do anything to help me, refused to close my account until I give them my social. I will not give them bastards my social, I have lost all trust in them and cannot let them have my number. They could not even guarantee that the problem was fixed. They said that this could happen a week from now or even a year from now. They could not stop it from happening, not even with their security key mumbo jumbo. I was so fired off that steam was coming out my eyes. Basically, it was: yes we understand that this is the same item number that was disputed by you last week and that we fixed but until you give us your social we won’t allow you to close your account. Why don’t you give ebay a call?” of course, ebay won’t do anything, since it’s a separate entity from paypal. I am so fired off I don’t know what to do.

Hey, have you guys seen that commercial for the internet phone? The one that has the weirdly catching yet oddly annoying noise/song/whatever you wanna call it? Well they have this forum for Vonage users. I was searching around because, who knows, one day I might get a home phone. I noticed that they have some really good help things in there. Like, I didn't know that you could disconnect the other computer's internet access at a certain time each day! I could rule the house like that! I can see it now, The Hubby will be furiously working away at the computer and I will sneakeyley cut off his internet! It will rule! Or...I could just set it so that The Kid and The Girl!'s computer (if/when they get one) will have no internet after like 9pm until 8am the next day. That would help out a lot with monitoring their online usage level. Also, I noticed that some people there can actually see what the others are seeing in their screens! Big brother watching to the extreme! I can't wait to try this out with The Kid.

Apparently the problem wasn't with Paypal, it was with us. Oh, didn't I tell you? The Hubby had the exact same thing happen to him. Except his bank is different than mine and his bank didn't think to freeze the account when they saw weird things going on like my bank did. So now we're out almost $600.00 until all this gets straightened out. Seems like someone hacked into our home computer and took our info out of there. Which explains the fact that the computer's been virusey lately and we had to spring for a new one. So now we're broker than broke and will have to wait about 10 business days while this gets straightened out. The only account that wasn't compromised was my other one that doesn't have paypal access. The Hubby doesn't think that it's such a good idea to close his account and open up a new one. He says that it's too much paperwork.

I heard this song in the radio this morning. They said that there were two children in two different families close to Natalie that died and that's what inspired her to write the song. All I could think about was Princess and I started crying. Princess, you're on my mind today.

Well, paypal is "fixed" I ordered the security key from them to see if it will help. The only problem now is that someone tried to access my bank account. The good news is that as soon as they logged in from a different IP address, my bank froze the account. I will be going to the bank tomorrow to close that account and open a new one. I will also look into getting overdraft protection service. Don't think I can stand to pay thousands of dollars for NSF fees...

This makes me want to cry...

Paypal is either very dumb or very very dumb. I went to check on my paypal account Monday and saw that I had a limited access hold on it. I come looking more at the situation and see that somehow, someone has gotten into my account and sent me $1200 for some WellBox thing (I didn’t want to google it for fear of it being some sort of sadistic Tupperware party item). Then, someone takes that money out (it was the $1200 minus the 30 something fee that paypal charged). Then someone sends 800 and they take out more money, then they sent 800ish something more and that’s when I found it. I was all like, can I keep the money? Immediately I called paypal and had them investigate the matter. Thankfully, it’s all been resolved now. My account boasts a full $6.01 and It’s so full it might explode like a cow that’s eaten green hay.

I’m kinda peeved at the fact that they got money out of my account. If they had just sent me money, I could see how that mistake might be made. Taking money out of an account is fishy. I am so going to change all my passwords and junk as soon as I can.

I bet you’re wondering if I am really getting paid enough money from Pay Per Post. Do you want to know how much money I’ve made so far with them? Let me tell you, I have been paid $42.02 and will be paid $55.01 doing the blog marketing. This is only because I had no google page rank and was not eligible to take the higher paid opportunities. But now, I have a whooping page rank that’s higher than my -25 from before and that helps me. It’s very easy to do this and why aren’t you doing it yet?

What have I done with this money? Well, I have bought me some fluff. I am now the proud owner of 12 Fuzzi Bunz diapers and 12 Mother of Eden inserts. Yup, I have decided to kick the disposable diaper habit when The Kid is at home. He now wears his cute little FB’s all the time and let me tell you, it’s not as scary as it seems. I am going to let my money sit in my Paypal account for a while so that it can grow baby! I have my eyes on some really cute things that I want and want to be able to afford it. This is the best second job ever since I don’t have to leave my house or even get off the internet for that matter.

"Preach the Gospel at all times; when necessary, use words." That advice, originally given by St. Francis of Assisi, is applicable today, because how you behave tells the world what you believe. How you treat others, how you spend your money, how you maintain your house, car, and other possessions, and even how you drive all speak loudly about what you believe.

The world is hungry for something real; they're searching for answers to life. But the world's not reading the Bible; they're reading Christians. And they will recognize true Christians by their fruit, not their mouth, not their bumper sticker, not their cross earrings, but their fruit--their actions (Matthew 7:20).

Clearly, how you behave tells the world what you believe. In other words, your life is a sermon.

Therefore, it is very understandable that James instructs: Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like (James 1:22-24).

Faith involves more than hearing and believing; faith demands action. Therefore, the best way to preach the Gospel is to live the Gospel, because how you live boldly declares what you believe

Yay! Big money time! If you have a blog that has a high page rank, you can make loads of dough. How? By joining Pay Per Post. They pay you money for blogging about the things you were going to blog anyways. The higher your page rank, the more money you can make. Some of the high paying opps pay $125 or even more money just because your blog is a 7 or 8 rank. Also, PPP only charges 35% service fee compared to some other post sites that charge 100% fees. Those other sites take half your money before you even get to it! Even if your page rank is low, you can still make loads of money by taking the lower paying gigs. And this helps raise your page rank. I should know, I’ve gone up 3 ranks since I joined PPP and I know it’s because of it. Of course, like all good posties you have to put a disclosure badge (like the one at the end of this post) so that people know more about PPP. Oh yeah, did I mention that you could make $1000 for a single post? Yeah, that’s a lot of meatballs. Try it! go to the blog ad network and do it! now!

Oh My God. I fear we have entered the T2's. This weekend, well Sunday and Monday morning was hell. I should've known when he woke up on Sat at 6:30am and wanted to ride his bike and forced me to watch him play that something was amiss. But, I didn't heed warning signs. Sunday was one tantrum after another after another after another. I think some of his tantrums were related to his tantrums. Please don't take this the wrong way, but if he'd been older I would've had to bring out the big momma belt. He worked himself into such a state that he ended up napping 2 hours before time and then would not nap at all the rest of the day. He ended up crashing around 8:30pm. I tell you, if there ever was a time to give a child some benadryl or sleepy time medicine, that was it. He's never ever done anything quite like this and it was creepy scary. And then, 5:30am Monday morning. I thought that someone came in the house and killed him he was screaming so hard. I had never heard him scream that loud before and my ears are still ringing. We brought him to our bed just that one time to see if he would go back to sleep. He did go back to sleep, but he kept hitting me and hugging his dad (while sleeping) and I don't mean oh look at that the cute baby tried to hit someone...nooo I mean that he was b*tch slapping me. In his sleep. And he has no idea what that is. He told The Hubby twice on saturday "shuddyup". I don't think he knows what that means since we don't use that kind of language at home. I can only assume that he's getting it from his babysitter's grandchildren. Since those kids are in grade skool, it's very possible he's picking it up from them. To those of you who've gone through the T2's, how did you survive? Did you just stay home the whole time? I have to go to the grocery store and frankly, I'm dreading it.

Student loans are a pain in the butt if you know what I mean. Frankly, I don’t see the point in having like 35 different loans for one person. There would be no way of effectively managing that once you enter repayment. Thankfully, this Loan Consolidation site can help you actually pay on time all your student loans and help you from having a bad credit.

I heard The Kid on Saturday counting. By himself. Oh the joys of motherhood when I learned that The Kid was not daft were superceded by the fact that I did not teach him that. It sucks to learn that your child is being taught something educational outside of you. I wanted to teach him to count, but I didn't teach him to count. Although, if he confuses the three with wheee....does it count? He clearly says wheee and not three (whee being his brand new most favorite word in the whole world with the exception of No! Which is by far the best word).

For all those people out there like me that can’t seem to get a hold on their finances, there’s a new way to pay off a mortgage. It’s called the One Account mortgage. It basically ties together the mortgage, checking, credit card, savings and puts everything in the same account. It basically means that your paycheck is sent to the account and you can take the money out to pay your bills and such, but while it is inside the account it is being used to offset the mortgage balance. This is a great way to pay off the mortgage early without having to pay any penalties. Also, if you are in a financial tight spot, you can take a break from the mortgage repayments. If you think this is for you, go to mortgages and check it out.