So I got my first unemployment check this week. Turns out that when you quit because your spouse is relocating bc of the army you qualify for it. Sad part? Even though I'm *technically* getting less than half of my weekly paycheck, I'm actually seeing much more of it since I don't have to pay daycare and gas to work. Seriously, before after I paid daycare, gas, tithe, and bought groceries I had less than $50 left over per week. And that was after we dropped the health insurance through my job, my leftover money was even less than that.

The Hubby's been gone all week for field training. Sucks to be him, I've had unbridled access to both the car and the bank account. I spent about $500, probably more than that. But I did get enough groceries for the next two weeks (minus fruits, they go too fast here to keep for long) and bought some things that I wanted and was told by The Hubby that "when you're working and bringing home a paycheck you can buy it."

He's gonna go to war. Of course mr. dumbo listens to everything others tell him no matter how laughable it is thinks that he's not going to be gone for a full year because the president said that the troops were coming home. He doesn't listen to the news and can't see what I see, that if they're finished in Iraq before the year's out, they'll just be sent over to Afghanistan or maybe even Pakistan (who knows what's gonna happen with them in six or eight months?). The clock is ticking down and before the year's out he will be sleeping under strange stars and looking at an unfamiliar moon. It's a good thing that his stint at AIT turned me into a darn monk. Otherwise I would've never survived a year without nookie.

“There was a time, literally, when there were no teenagers.” This is the opening line of a recent book by columnist and author Dianna West. Her thesis is given away in the title: The Death of the Grownup: How America’s Arrested Development Threatens Western Civilization (St. Martin’s Press, 2007).

Adolescence didn’t always exist. In fact, it is a rather recent phenomenon. This is the point of West’s opening line. In fact, the word “teenager” wasn’t really used until 1941. Not because there weren’t people who were teen aged, but because those years were not considered any more remarkable than any others.

In virtually every other culture in the history of the world prior to late 20th century Western culture, kids became adults. Not so anymore. They now become teenagers or, to put it in more sociologically acceptable terms, they become adolescents.

What happened to bring about this new stage in human development? The sexual revolution and political upheavals of the 60’s are, of course, the most obvious suspects. However, West suggests a number of other things, some earlier than the 60’s: a generation of disconnected fathers trying to deal with what they experienced during WWII, factories no longer producing necessities for war begin producing non-necessities for consumption, new marketing engines to sell these goods to people who didn’t realize they wanted them, Chubby Checker’s Twist, Elvis’ hips, the Beatles’ hair, automobiles-perhaps more than one-in every home, the growth of Hollywood, and the recognition by the marketing engines of the fortune to be made from this brand new segment of the population.

Of course, adolescence is now considered a fixed stage of development. It is now expected that students will lose their minds from ages 13-18. “Kids will be kids,” we say. Only, we aren’t referring to kids anymore, we are talking about 15 year olds.

There is another complication with adolescence. Its grip has forcefully expanded beyond teenagers, and in both directions. On the front end, we went from teens to “pre-teens,” and the marketing engines quickly spotted more financial potential. On the back end, whereas eighteen was once considered the end of adolescence, it is now considered the middle. Psychologists and sociologists now refer to adolescence as the stage from age 11 to age 30.

But, there’s more. The reach of adolescence is even greater than this. Adolescence is now, and this must not be missed, the goal of our culture. Somewhere along the way, we ceased to be a culture where kids aspire to be adults and became a culture where adults aspire to be kids.

What are the marks of a culture with a dominant adolescent mindset? Not surprisingly, they are precisely what we have come to expect from adolescents themselves.

Demand for immediate gratification. We want what we want now, and we will not wait or work for it. Spiraling credit card debt, addiction to new technologies, bouncing from church to church till we find the one we like, abandoning marriages – this list could go on and on.

Absence of long-term thinking about life and the world. Hand-in-hand with a demand for immediate gratification is a distraction from the real issues that actually matter. For example, on a recent 20/20 John Stossel showed pictures of major political figures and a few celebrities. 100% recognized TV personality Judge Judy, while no one recognized Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. A generation who is unaware of what is important in life will certainly misdirect their time and energy.

Motivated by feeling rather than truth. This is a key indicator of a volatile person, and an even more significant indicator of a failing culture. Truth is murdered by pooled, and polled, ignorance. Other casualties include families, churches, masculinity, femininity, art, words, justice, charity, love, education, psychological stability, any coherent sense of identity, theology, mission, wisdom, beauty, and human sexuality.

Wanting grown-up things without growing up. Ironically, despite our addiction to all things adolescent, we still expect to be treated like adults. “Don’t tell me what to do,” we say. “Every opinion matters” and “Treat me with respect,” we add. Of course, fools actually do not deserve respect and their opinions are, at best, a thorough waste of time and, at worst, dangerous.

Expecting bailouts rather than accepting consequences. Not thinking before acting is a trait of adolescence, as is making excuses for it. In our acceptance of adolescence accepts we label this thinking as merely immature. “They’ll grow out of it,” we suggest. A quick look around reveals that “they” are not. Bad mortgage decision? The government should help. Sexual immorality? Birth control, abortion, and HPV vaccines. Falling grades? Tests are to blame. Poor behavior? They’re just kids.

Focusing on appearance rather than depth. Seen in everything from fascination with celebrity to the way presidents and churches are chosen, cultures that choose style over substance are easily deceived and destined for tyranny. Few things are more historically verifiable than this.

More could be added here, but the point is that sometimes what is normal, well, shouldn’t be. Adolescence is a recent, and foolish, invention. And, ideas have consequences. Good ideas have good consequences; bad ideas have bad consequences; foolish ideas have foolish consequences.

Still, there is good news. Cultures like ours have a leadership vacuum. So, there is a terrific opportunity for influence for those who produce the leaders, especially if they produce who can think beyond the current cultural shallowness. Home school parents are in a unique position to raise leaders who will rise above the adolescent abyss.

How can we do this?

Challenge students, instead of coddle them. We aim too low with teenagers. Students do not need more entertainment, whether it is from the television, the IPod, or the youth group. They need, and want, to be challenged. We see this every year at our Summit student leadership conferences – student endure 70+ hours of lecture and instruction on worldviews, apologetics, culture, and character. Then they call home and ask for more money, so they can buy books!
Give them a thorough education in worldviews and apologetics. First, students need to know what they believe. Too many see Christianity as merely a private faith rather than as a robust view of reality that offers a tried and true map for life. Second, students need to know what others believe. There are non-Biblical worldviews that are battling for their hearts and minds, and for our culture. We contend that, at minimum, students need to have a handle on these six worldviews before going to college: secular humanism, Marxism/Leninism, postmodernism, Islam, New Age, and Biblical Christianity. Third, Christians must know why they believe what they believe. Too many Christians cannot answer, and are even afraid of, the challenging questions about God, Jesus, the Bible, morality, or truth that come at them.
Show them that Christianity is not just about what we are against, but what we are about. Proverbs says that without vision, the people “cast off restraint.” One of the main reasons that students are casualties of immorality is that they lack vision. While they may know what they are not supposed to do, they fail to understand the life of meaning, purpose, and impact Christ calls them to. Christian students often get the impression that we are merely saved from, and not to. They miss the “re” part of the salvation words that sprinkle the Scriptures: renew, regenerate, reconcile, redeem, etc. They miss that Christ not only came to save us from death, he came to save us to life - and abundant life at that!
Confront with them, rather than isolate them from, the major cultural battles of our day. Historically, Christians have sought to understand, and respond to cultural crises. They understood that these crises were the site of the battle of worldviews. Unfortunately, many Christians today are unaware of, disinterested in, or avoiding of issues like embryo-destructive research, euthanasia, emerging technologies, the arts, film, fashion, legislation, human trafficking, politics, and international relations. In the Garden on the evening before His death, Christ prayed these astounding words for his followers: “Father, do not take them from the world, but protect them from the evil one” (John 17:15). Our prayer, and preparation, for our children should be no different.

Yesterday we went to the zoo (or zoom! As The Kid says) and had a blast. We got to feed the giraffe! How cute are they? What with their big ol' eyes and huge eyelashes. The Kid was not afraid at all when it came his turn to extend his arm for the giraffe to eat. He actually fed it three times and loved it. I fed it once and have to say that the sandpaperish feel of its tongue pressed against the back of my arm was not entirely what I expected. But it's tongue was purple which made everything much better. I did notice however that there were a ton of people in the designated smoking areas (which are partially hidden) that chose to put their children inside it as well while they smoked up.

I wanted to hurt those people. It's bad enough that they're willing to put cancerous fumes on their bodies, they were forcing their children to fill up their lungs with strangers' smoke as well. I'm not talking about one parent with a child in the smoking area, I'm talking about upwards of ten+ adults and one or two children (one of them was in the infant baby stroller with the carseat on top). How can one as a parent force their child to ruin their lungs like that? I get breathless and start coughing everytime I'm near smoke (it didn't happen when I was younger) to the point where I think I'm having some sort of allergic reaction. I can't imagine what these poor children are going through.

Yesterday I was playing cowboys with The Kid (we even had our own make believe lasso) when I had the strongest memory flashback. It's amazing the kind of things that can happen to a person and one can put so far out of their minds that the person can't even remember it happening anymore.

It was horrible and I started crying inconsolably. My "father" and I use the term loosely, tied my hands together and my feet together and then tied them to each other in such a way that I had to be laying down on the ground because I couldn't sit up or stand up straight. He did the same to my sister, he also gave us a beating beforehand. Our crime? I can't remember, but if it's anything like previous times that we got beat, it was probably because my mom didn't western union him all the money that she got from her paycheck. I can't remember the exact age I was at the time, all I know is that we lived in that apartment from when I was around six until I was eight. God, if I ever think of doing something like that to one of my children; please smite me. I don't ever want to inflict that kind of pain on a child, any child.


runs off to cry...

Unless you vote today, you cannot complain about the results. Any violation of that will result in someone's foot (mine) to be dropkicked into your eye. And don't you come whining to me about how "the spleen goes inside!"

Or I'd have tore him a new one. You see, one of the biggest arguments that we have is regarding money. Not how much I spend or he spends, but the actual paying of the bills, budgeting kind of fights. The problem was that he wouldn't let me see the bills and he would pay them himself. I'm not kidding you when I say that we've had several talks with the pastors regarding this. They were always on my side because as his wife and a bringer of money, I should know what the money is being spent on.

Well, the past few days I've been going over the finances and let me just tell you that angry does not even begin to cover what I'm feeling. Let's just say that our take home income is about 1/4 of our monthly bills. Where was the rest of the money coming from you may ask? From an equity line of credit that we have. Said equity is emptied out and mr. sourpatch decided to run away instead of getting a real job and doing his part.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that he hasn't been working. It's just that since The Kid was born and he quit his job so that he could study and then start his own business things had been going downhill. Especially since the construction business is slow. Especially since he'd been getting work from a good for nothing "christian" and I use that term loosely. I'd been telling that man to get a job, any job but the man had his sight set on that he could only work at a Lowe's or a Home Depot. Not sure why, since he used to work in the corporate world and made good money. He also didn't want a job that would pay less than 15/hr. because we wouldn't be able to live otherwise. But yet it was okay for him to stay home and wait on his good for nothing boss that owes us several thousand dollars for back pay to call him up and give him more work. I tell you, I'm seriously thinking of suing that good for nothing. And he called himself a christian. Any christian worth their salt would borrow money if need be so that they could pay their employees NOT take the money that they received and pay their own bills totally forgetting the employees.

Right now, I have to come up with several thousand dollars to pay all the late bills and hopefully stop some things from getting cut. Keep in mind that after health insurance is paid, my paycheck only covers gas, daycare, and groceries. That's it. I guess it's time to break out the stripper clothes and go hang out in the corner.

Mr. Sourpatch is joining the army. It came on just as suddenly for me as it's for you. He leaves on Tuesday for Basic Training and from there will go straight to his class. He won't graduate there until sometime in Jan or Feb. So I will be a single mom until then.....



It sucks. I made a pro and con list of his going and the only things in the pro list are: less laundry and not as much cooking.

There's a big decision to be made in the sour household. Something that will affect the lives of ourselves and those who we hold near and dear to us. It's not divorce, so don't worry about that. I can't say anything concrete to you internets yet, but as soon as I have clearance, I will.

In the other hand, The Kid has been dressing himself of late. It's kinda cute to see all the funky combinations that he comes up with (green and blue shirt with red pants. one black, one elmo shoe) but he has to learn somehow.

Did you have to fight your husband to get him to show your boy how to pee like a man? Cuz seriously, I'm thisclose to growing my own manparts and showing The Kid how it's done. Somehow, after four years of marriage The Hubby has grown prude and doesn't want to show his manparts to The Kid.


is all I'm saying....

What is the problem with all these stupid teachers doing it with their students? Is there no dignity anymore? I just heard on the news that yet another pervert was caught. She rented a hotel room with FIVE of her underage students, bought them beer and stuff, and then took a "shower" with the 17 year old. If this woman starts saying that she's too pretty to go to prison I think I'm gonna hurt someone. Parents are supposed to send their children to skool to learn to read and write, not learn how to do it. Especially not from their teachers. Am I going crazy or are all these pedophile teachers only in florida?

This is enough to make me seriously consider homeskooling. Before I was just toying with the idea but now it looks like it's the only choice unless I want my kids to be violated by their teachers. Can't these women find a man their own age? Why do they have to go off and rape these boys (it seems all the cases in the news are female teachers and male students). It's sickening the way things are going now. If things keep going this way, five years from now we'll be hearing this:

mom: so, honey how was skool today?

daughter: good, I learned all about amoebas, practiced the periodic tables. And mom, nobody touched my vagina today!

mom: oh good, I was a bit worried there.

What are they teaching these sickos over in teacher skool??? Last I checked, I thought that the teachers are supposed to be like a second set of parents towards the children and help bring them up to be productive members of society. Skools are supposed to be a place for education, not a flesh market. And what kind of pervert would find a child sexually appealing? EW! Gross!

He loves her more. I don't blame him, she's there for him more than I am. She's a better listener, better company. Heck, I'd rather be with her than with me. Everytime that he's with me, he is thinking about her and about the next time he'll see her again. He doesn't really care that he's hurting my feelings as long as he gets to hold and be held by her. If something were to happen to him he'd go to her and tell her way before even thinking about telling me. She gives him a level of comfort that I can't compete with.

I know about her, been knowing for a while now and there's nothing I can do. She's good for and with him. I just wish that it could've been me, ya know? I can't stop him from seeing her because he needs her and frankly, I need her too.

Tell me, how do you handle having your kids love their sitters more than they love you?

so.. my poor The Kid, he's the one that's borne the brunt of my monster. It's as if a switch was hit inside of me where the baby could do no wrong and The Kid could do nothing right. And then I'd blow up, big time. I'll even admit it, I hit him in anger a couple of times before I got help. It was that which made me realize how wrong I was and how much help I truly needed. I smacked his butt and leg so hard because he had a small accident (we'd been potty training him before the baby was born) that when I sat him in the potty immediately after I noticed that I'd left a red welt on his leg. Oh God how I lost it then. But the worse was yet to come. He started telling me that he was sorry for what he did. Do you know how horrible it is to hear your child apologize to you for something that YOU did wrong? I just dropped down on my knees and started hugging my poor confused boy; kissing him and apologizing to him. I just thank God that it didn't get worse than that and that I'm getting the help I need. One day at a time is the most anyone can ask of me and that's how am doing it.

I've been making sure that The Kid gets the appreciation that he deserves and paying lots of attention to him. I just hope that I didn't scar him for life or that I jeopardized his relationship with his baby brother because of it seeing as how I turned into a monster after the baby came.

Today I went back to work. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I cried like a banshee. I'd really thought that this time I'd be able to stay at home and take care of my baby, see his first step, give him his first foods. But no, bills have to be paid and I have to go back to work. The only thing that's keeping me sane is the knowledge that I'm over and done with skool and I won't be coming home at 11pm every night this time around. I'm not going to be coming home just to put my baby to sleep for the night. God, it was so tough last time. I believe now that I had undiagnosed PDD that time. Had to fight the almost daily urge to drive the car into the river just so that I could stop the pain and hurt. The only thing that kept me from doing so is that if I did, The Hubby would have to feed the baby formula and my sheer stubbornness to not have a formula fed baby stopped me. That's what saved my life that time.

This time around, I felt the monster way before I even went back to work. Didn't want to talk to anyone, barely left the house, couldn't eat, barely slept, didn't even want to bathe, horrible uncontrolable mood swings (mostly directed at the poor The Kid who didn't recognized the monster that replaced his momma), fighting the urge to hurt The Kid. Seriously, this is not something to play with. Thankfully I've been given some good herbs by the midwife (totally bf friendly) that are helping me a little. I pray to God that it doesn't get worse now that I'm working again since that's when things got out of control last time. If you ever feel like something is not right, get help before it's too late. And don't try to talk to my husband about it, he's no help. When I told him about how I'd get these uncontrolable anger spells and I'd start yelling at the poor The Kid for no reason and how I couldn't stop myself, his words were: well then, stop doing it.

Husband of mine, I have one thing to say to you:

rubber, glue, back to you.

Dear Mr. Impatient:

I understand that you were late for work this morning. As a matter of fact, so was I. I also understand that you really really wanted to make that left turn when the light was green for it. What I don't understand is how you expected me to ram my truck on top of the car that was in front of me so that you could have just one more inch of space so you could get in the left turn lane. In case you didn't notice, there was TRAFFIC and a RED LIGHT in front of me stopping me from doing as you wanted me to. I did find it funny how when the left turn light turned green, you started to honk at me with renewed intensity. As if the last four minutes of you honking didn't drive the point into me enough, you felt the need to lay your hands on the horn and keep them there. I was kinda hoping that you'd try to drive over the cement divider thing so that I could see if your teeny tiny car would've flipped over on its side like a turtle. That would've been funny. Even funnier if you'd landed right against my car. Cuz you know what? I would've sued the pants off you for being so darn stupid to put mine and everyone else's lives in danger.


PS: Was there a full moon last night or some sort of sports game that I didn't know about? There were about 15 car crashes and accidents that I passed on my way to work today. Way more than usual. Oh yeah, if I ever see you on the road and you try to pull a stunt like that again. I will hurt you, physically mentally hurt you. Don't mess with a hormonal pregnant woman that hasn't had breakfast and is driving a big truck.

So, I'm at the grocery store loading up the truck (Ford F150 all blinged out). Am not wearing a wedding ring bc my fingers are swollen and look like sausages (mmmm sausage....) when who comes up to me but a Jehovah's Witness lady. Now, I don't have problems if you're a JW. But I do have a problem with judgemental people who judge you and then try to force you to go to their church. What does this lady say to me you ask? okee, me her got it?

Look at you, all pregnant and married I suppose. People do still marry before they get pregnant, right?
Umn...yeah, okay....
Blah blah blah, Atalaya magazine blah blah blah
did I mention that at this point she's blocking me so that I can't open my car door?
I don't want your magazine, I have my own church that I go to and like very much. Thank you though, good bye.

That's when I managed to get the truck opened and left. She was bewildered standing in the parking lot holding on to my cart. Geez, how can people in this day and age be judgemental towards a very heavily pregnant woman without a wedding band? I mean, I know to expect that stuff if I go to say the Dominican or some Muslim country but in the U.S.? It's not like this country is uptight or something, we'll probably have a gay president much sooner than we do a female one (no offense to gays out there). People, be nice to big fat pregnant women without a wedding band. She could be driving a Ford F150 and run you off the road.

I have to come out and say it. I can't hide it any longer and besides, Katie's been wanting to laugh and point fingers at me.

My mother is an addict. Not illegal drugs, mind you. She's addicted to prescription pills. It's disgusting, really. Her nightstand is full of Tylenol PM, Excedrin, Nyquil, Fioricet, and a whole host of other stuff that I can't pronounce much less spell. She excuses herself saying that she suffers from migraines to take her medicine, but it's not true. There's nothing mores icky nasty than having your mother call you and try to talk to you all highey. You can't understand a word she says. Thankfully, I don't live anywhere near her so I don't have to put up with it. But my brothers are still living at home, the youngest one being like 8 or so. And they have to live with it. I wish that I could bring them to live with me to save them from their living conditions but I can't afford to have them with me, and we don't have a very large house that we can put up three kids (two of them teens) in it.

Reading Katie's post today, I realized that someone has seen my blog in Orlando. and someone else saw my blog from Thonotosassa. Now, I know Katie has no idea of where these towns are, but they are a hop, skip, and a jump from me. The internet is getting closer to me. Pretty soon, real life people that see me everyday are going to know about me. They will read my posts and I will have to poke my eyes out with a spork! The pain! The humanity! Not that I'm opposed to people reading me, is just that I'm afraid that they will force me to either password protect the site, or to pull it completely.

In other words, how the heck does Katie get more views than I do? It's just not fair! I'm so much more likeable and beautiful and nice and pretty and! I! Like! Monkeys! How do you top that? Not fair, I think. Not fair at all.

I just read this article. This makes my blood boil, I could not help but cry at the horror that this little child had to suffer. Just to think that the poor little girl froze to her death because her father wanted her to is more pain that I can stand. I can't get the image of a scared, almost naked, barefoot child all alone in that park wondering why her father left her there. It's not only the fact that she died, but the fact that she died thinking no one loved her that is breaking my heart. I am sorry, christian values aside and all. But if I see that man in person, I would beat him up. He deserves the worst kind of punishment available. The death sentence is too kind for what he's done. How dare he do that to a 23 month old child, his own child! This world is getting to be too much. There are way too many stories of this kind out there. Dear God, why. Why does this happen? I know that sometimes bad things happen to people in order that other people might be able to learn. I also know that we reap what we sow, and that sometimes . But what could this child have done to anger her father to the point of murder? She. would. not. go. to. bed. All I have to say is this, had I lived in the times of lynchings and angry mob riots; I would so have started more than a few of them myself. Starting with this one.

I don't think Katie realized what my point was in that post. My point wasn't so much to make fun and point and stare at what them kids was doing (although it was fun to do so). No, my point was more on the lines of the fact that the girl in question (paris hilton wannabe)is twelve years old. Not 20, not 15, not even 14. She's 12. What kind of mother allows and buys their child vagina baring skirts? Seriously, what kind of mother? I'm not trying to imply that you keep your child dressed like a pentecostal woman (I can say that because I used to be one, and am/have been friends with many of them), I just think that children should be children. This brings me back to something I saw at a family fair. A girl, couldn't have been more than two, was wearing a teeeny tiny belly baring shirt. Not the cutesey kind that just shows the belly. The womanly kind that ties and ends just beneath the breasts (with the long sleeves, gotta have the long sleeves). This girl was wearing diapers and she was dressed "sexy". Since when do children have to be sexy???@@!!! Especially in Florida, where sex offenders outnumber you two to one. Currently there are 153 of those perverts in a two mile radius from my house. And those are only the registered ones. Don't even go into all the crazies that have not been charged/found out about yet.

The point is, children in this country are at an ever growing threat of being molested/abused/touched and by sexualizing them, we ain't helping any. Whatever happened to good old children's clothing? I walk by the girls section at the local hellmart and all I see is rows upon rows of ultra minis, high heels (for toddlers nonetheless. Don't they have to learn how to walk first?) and clothing that would look sexy on someone with boobs.

I'm concerned about how these girls that are taught body image from an even earlier age than we were will end up in the future. As we can see with the paris hilton wannabe (I only say that because she may or may not be chockfull of diseases and she may or may not know how to write), she's heading down a bad path. Who, do you think told her that if you wear a cleavage revealing shirt (she does not have cleavage, that's the sad part) you shouldn't pair it with a mini. Who told her that it's not okay to ditch skool to go partying with a guy that's old enough to drink. Who, upon seeing what she was wearing, sent her back to her room to wear something decent? No one, that's who. And that is her problem. Does the blame lay on the girl for her attitude and easy ways, or on her parents for turning her into what she is? Will Teresa tell Ethan that he's the real father of Little Ethan? Will she ditch Ethan to be with Jared? Will Fancy discover who the rapist was? Will Sheridon finally stop getting in between Luis and Fancy?...