Since Z and B's mom is doing it, I guess I have to do it also. So, the next five people that comment on this post will get a handmade present from me. Am not very crafty, so don't expect a crocheted velvet hat. But. I will do something so absolutely craftily, I will amaze myself. Unless you would rather me send you cash. Then I would have to see if the post office is still mailing dimes. I'll be in contact with you afterwards to see what you want.

How does one learn to be submissive and respectful of another? How does one go from being a fully independent person, making their own decision to one that must allow others to make decisions for them and with them? It sucks.

How does one stop doing something that another doesn't like when the first person is so used to doing it that they don't even realize it? How does one raise a child in a house full of strife? I seem to be stuck in a rut. My spiritual life's gone to the dogs. I definitely am not moving forward, but am not quite going backwards either. It sucks to see others that started going to church after me achieving and doing things that I can't do yet. They say that about 50% of second marriages end in divorce. I don't want mine to be a statistic; but if things don't change, that very well might happen. I have called The Hubby my "roommate" several times already. It's basically what we are, roommates. Even though we sleep in the same bed, there's an abyss separating us. We are both too stubborn to take the first step closer. It hurts because I love him like I've never loved (and never will) another. He's my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, my first love. I don't know what to do, he seems to think that the moment I stop breastfeeding everything will be alright. He doesn't realize that neither The Kid, nor I are ready for such a step. He doesn't see that he's hurting me, yet wants me to acknowledge how I've hurt him.

"Your body belongs to your husband; you're causing a separation between your son and your husband." that's what I keep hearing over and over. What they don't see is that I could count on my hands the times he's changed a diaper. The times he's been up with a sick The Kid, or got up to tend to him in the middle of the night are nil. We went to Orlando with The Girl! and some of our friends this past weekend and we had to go up an escalator. The Kid was in the stroller and I needed to take him out. He didn't even help, just got mad at me that I didn't get on the escalator with The Kid in the stroller. He left me with the bags, kid, and stroller and walked away. Somebody else had to help me. I have started to resent the times that we spend with The Girl! because he completely forgets that he's got another child when she's around. We left on Thursday and came back Sunday morning. In that whole time, he spent maybe half an hour with The Kid. And he did that because I dropped him off and walked away to the bathroom. The rest of the time, he spent with The Girl! barely acknowledging my existence unless it was to pick a fight. I hated the trip. It sucked mostly because I was internetless; I wouldn't have been able to post anyways because I can't let him know that I keep a blog. He would make me delete it. He doesn't trust the internet at all. I will try to write more later when I don't feel sad.

I don't really post much about Godly things here because I don't want the controversy but this I gotta post. The women from my church were invited to another church service.

Now, just so you know. My church is pretty kewl. Women are allowed to wear pants, makeup, jewelry, shave, and even cut and color our hair if we want. I said that because most Hispanic Christian churches are what we call "rajatablas." The women of the church we went to had no makeup on, long (almost ankle lenght) skirts, (probably)unshaved legs, no earrings, and had the requisite "brillo pad" hair bun (that's where the grey hair and unkempt hair gets so bad, it literally resembles a brillo pad). And we were given looks for being cute.

Anyways, that's not the point of my story. Here's the kicker, when it came to pick up the offering the pastor of the church grabbed the mike and said the most unbelievable things. He started to talk about how they're redoing the tile in his house (house doesn't belong to the church but to pastor) and how after seven years the tile had cracked and the company had refunded them 1/2 the original price of the tiles. The refund was only "$12,000 and that's only half the cost, so you can do the math about how much more is needed."

He also said things like: "Oh? You think that YOUR house has to be better than the pastor's? Nosirre, The pastor's house has to be better than your house." He also made public the names of those men that hadn't gone there to help him as well as the name of the person in whose house he would be staying for a few days.

I only say this because:
1. It's pretty unbelievable, I can't believe that someone would say that. Basically, this pastor believes that he is more holy than the rest of his church. It's this kind of mindset that has pushed so many Hispanic people out of church.

2. I don't like it that the other Hispanic churches in our town will invite us to their activities just to fill in their seats, but they won't come to ours. Since we are only one of a handful of churches that allow such radical liberal things like leg shaving and heels, it's to be expected. But still, I don't like it.

3. Did I mention that it's unbelievable?

4. The pastor never said that the offering was for him, but he never said that the church was going to keep the money in the offering. So now I'm not sure if he dips into the offering plate. And frankly, the church could use some sprucing up to make it prettier.

* Oh yeah, we told our pastors this (they weren't able to go to the service for various reasons) and they could barely believe us. We also told our senior pastor that if he EVER tried something like that, we'd walk right out (we are friends so we can tell him things straight up).

I didn't tell you guys what happened to me two weeks ago. I was at a red light, waiting to make a right turn and some dumbo rear ended me. He said that he "thought I was going to keep on going". Never mind the fact that there were cars going by and I couldn't go. Fast forward to this morning. I'm at a yield sign. Can't move because there are cars going by when; you guessed it, I was hit AGAIN from behind. The guy also thought that I was going to just plow into the cars going in front of me. My neck hurts a bit. In neither case I called the cops because there was little to no damage to my car and I didn't want to be held up with the coppers. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thankfully, The Kid was not in the car either time. It's getting to be more and more difficult to avoid collisions when one is following the rules of the road.

I've been sick as a dog all weekend. Couldn't even get up for work on Friday, had to call in. Poor The Kid, he's been sick too and it hurts me to see him that sick. He will cry and run away as soon as he sees me coming at him with a tissue. Who could blame him? I accidentally scratched his nose while deboogerizing him and made him bleed. Bad mom. Thankfully we're in the mend now. Oh yeah, I also got my period on Friday. Hadn't had it since december '04, hence the title. It was so great not having to worry about that junk before, thanks breastfeeding. Not much else to post either. Will try to get better.