Umn.... can someone tell my not quite three month old that he's not supposed to be crawling?

Yeah, he's moving. It's not full on crawling, it takes him awhile to get from point A to point B but he is going in a straight line. It's too funny though, I have to post a video of it. He looks like a lobster cuz he will put his feet under him and snap them out to move.

So, The Kid came up to me Tuesday night while I was cooking looking very concerned and holding his butt. kaka! kaka! And he had the sorryest looking face that I've ever seen. So much so, that I didn't even get mad at him for pooping his underwear. You would be proud of me katie :) When I took him to the bathroom to asses the situation, diarrhea. Yep, he'd done what he thought was a fart and pooped himself. And there was way more where that came from. Hopefully it was a onetime fluke and not a repeat of last year's poop frenzy.

The setting:
Saturday afternoon. I'm cooking in the kitchen, The Hubby is watching TV and the offspring is playing in the living room.

All of a sudden, I hear a huge wail. I look at the baby and it's not him, it's the other one. He's pointing to his mouth and crying. I ask The Hubby to take care of it as I'm up to my elbows in assorted raw chicken parts. He goes over to him and stares at him. Then I hear: stop crying what's going on? sourpatch I don't know what's going, on he won't tell me. And then he goes and sits back down. I call to The Kid while cleaning my hands. He gets to me and first thing I do is notice that he has a piece of ham in his hand. I open his mouth and there's another piece of ham in there (don't ask how or where he got it, it's still a mystery). It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that he'd gotten some ham stuck between his teeth and didn't know how to get it out. As soon as I pushed the bit of ham from between his two front teeth he went happily over to his toys to play some more.


Now if someone can assure me that he won't get salmonella again, I'll be fine. :P

th_stuff295
Originally uploaded by sourpatchbabe

It seems like mr. duckie has found his thumb! As of thursday night, he has been sucking away like there's no tomorrow. It's no surprise, he was sucking it in the ultrasound and he has been trying to get at it for the past few weeks. It's just that the whole hand/eye coordination thing was getting in his way. But no more. I do think he looks cute sucking his little thumb though.

btw, this isn't a pic from this weekend. This one was taken on one of those rare occasions that he managed to put his thumb in his mouth. The shirt that he's wearing in this pic no longer fits him.

What is the problem with all these stupid teachers doing it with their students? Is there no dignity anymore? I just heard on the news that yet another pervert was caught. She rented a hotel room with FIVE of her underage students, bought them beer and stuff, and then took a "shower" with the 17 year old. If this woman starts saying that she's too pretty to go to prison I think I'm gonna hurt someone. Parents are supposed to send their children to skool to learn to read and write, not learn how to do it. Especially not from their teachers. Am I going crazy or are all these pedophile teachers only in florida?

This is enough to make me seriously consider homeskooling. Before I was just toying with the idea but now it looks like it's the only choice unless I want my kids to be violated by their teachers. Can't these women find a man their own age? Why do they have to go off and rape these boys (it seems all the cases in the news are female teachers and male students). It's sickening the way things are going now. If things keep going this way, five years from now we'll be hearing this:

mom: so, honey how was skool today?

daughter: good, I learned all about amoebas, practiced the periodic tables. And mom, nobody touched my vagina today!

mom: oh good, I was a bit worried there.

What are they teaching these sickos over in teacher skool??? Last I checked, I thought that the teachers are supposed to be like a second set of parents towards the children and help bring them up to be productive members of society. Skools are supposed to be a place for education, not a flesh market. And what kind of pervert would find a child sexually appealing? EW! Gross!

I am so hot, I'm on fire. You see, my internal body temperature is higher than the average person's. So high in fact, that if you didn't know beforehand and checked my temperature you'd think I was running a fever. That was great in skool cuz I'd pretend I was sick and get sent home (until the nurse caught on, darn smart woman I shake my fist at thee).

So there, now you know that I truly am hotter than you.

Hit him in the head with a clock...


Seriously, last night duckie woke up unconsolably crying and wouldn't stop. I tried nursing him and he was so desperate that he couldn't latch on. He was acting like he does when he sleeps too long and wakes up starvin' like marvin. Since The Hubby moved the furniture around and unplugged my nightlight, I had the alarm clock in bed with me so I moved it to the pillow to give me some light as I tried to calm down duckie. He throws his arm up in the air and hits the clock. The clock falls on his head with a loud smack, I get up out of bed quickly thinking that he's going to cry up a storm....he burps, latches on, and falls asleep in a matter of seconds.


The moral of the story, remember to burp your baby after feeding him no matter the time.

So, I was all ready to leave for work this morning. All I had left to do was change the baby's diaper. In the process of doing so, duckie decided that he wanted to poop and fart at the same time. Well, for those of you that don't know breastfed babies' poop is liquidy. He got my arm, shirt, the bed, and THE WALL!!! How the heck does one get a wall poopy??@!! I'm screamming at the husband to help me and he's calmly getting up out of bed. He approaches me ever so slowly and asks what do I need....grr! first of all turn on the light and get me about a thousand more wipes stat!

he walks with all the calm in the world to get the wipes and comes back about 5 minutes later, hands them to me and then proceeds to go back to bed. Umn, no you clean this kid while I clean me up. When I came back from cleaning me up and finding another shirt, what do I find but him next to duckie and the baby face down naked. that's right folks, he couldn't even put a diaper on the baby. I get him changed and start feeding him and what does he do next but spit up everything all over me and voila' another clothes change for mommy. When it was all over I turned to The Hubby and said: you have the slowest response time EVER!

poor duckie though, we're all sick and diseased at the house and he's getting it now. Hopefully it won't be as bad as the colds that we have. Poor poor baby.

So, there he was all cute and all laying on the floor. Next thing I know, a soundbarrier breaking shriek blasts through the house and I go flying to his side to see what went on. I originally thought that he'd grabbed a fistful of hair and kept pulling at it not knowing why his head was hurting so much. I mean, the boy has a mean grip. Instead I found him grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling at it with so much force that had his shirt been made of a flimsy material, he would've most likely broken it.

Now I understand, he was confused and scared as to why someone was shaking him and grabbing at his shirt like that. Poor kid, you really have to feel sorry for him what with his not even realizing that he even has hands. I do look forward to the day when I no longer have to rescue him from himself (yes, I know that I'm just trading in one kind of rescuing for another, but still) even if only from premature baldness.

So, wondering how the rest of the fish died?

Well we had this girl that watched my sister and I after we came home from skool. She also had to do some cleaning and cooking for us until our parents got home later that day. Well, once she mopped the floor and we didn't think anything off it until later that evening when she was gone that we went to play with the fish. The fish were all dead. Turns out that she put the mop water in the tank "thinking" that it was just a dump tank and not thinking that fish lived in it........I don't think I saw her after that.

I used to have pets. lots of them. Lets see, there was a dozen baby chicks, two turtles, two baby crabs (the edible kind, not the nasty kind; katie get your mind out of the gutter), a gazillion fish, three or four dogs, a chicken, two cats. And all of them met untimely deaths (with the exception of the dogs which were given away).

Today, I'll talk about the turtles and fish. See, we had two green turtles my sister and I. And they looked so very lonely and unhappy. The fish on the other hand, looked so very happy swimming away in their tank. We had so many fish that they were in a 25 gallon tank and you could stick your hand in there and randomly grab a couple of fish without even trying. It was fun, slimy but fun. So my sister and I decided that we'd do little overnight trips for the turtles so that the fish could tell them how fun life was.

We didn't know that turtles ate fish. Of course we noticed how the next day the turtles didn't seem to like it when we took them out of the tank. And of course we noticed that some fish were half eaten. But somehow we never quite put two and two together. I have no idea what happened to my sister's turtle. My turtle on the other hand met its maker one sunny weekend that my cousin came to visit. You see, he wanted to play with the turtle but he was a bit rough. So rough in fact that he ended up poking the turtle's eye out. As you can imagine, the eyeless turtle bit the naughty boy quite hard. The boy threw the turtle out the window never to be seen again. Did I mention that we lived in a two story building?

The fish didn't all die thanks to our turtles but that's a tale for another day.