Dear SIL

I appreciate that you're thinking of me, I really do. But STOP SENDING ME STUPID FORWARD TEXTS! Seriously! Stop saying how:

God spoke to me and said that you're blessed. If you want this to be true, send to 10 friends or have bad luck for a year.

Or that

Thank God that you woke up alive today. To continue being alive, send to ten friends.


I can't stand stupid forwarded messages. First of all, you're using up all of my allotted texts for the month (doesn't matter that I have an unlimited plan, that's beside the point). But second, and this is a biggie If God were to want me dead, he wouldn't let me know through a text from a friend of a friend. Last I checked, The Bible does not say: thou shall forward all holy text messages or die. And doesn't The Bible say that we're blessed already? Why do I have to forward it to 10 friends? What if I don't have that many friends, can I send to 10 relatives? Does it count if I send it back to the sender? What if my battery is dead or I'm camping somewhere with no signal and don't send the text out in time, will God kill me then?

You see the pandora's box that you put God in when you start putting his name in these things? I think they'll have to open up a new department in heaven just to deal with all the repercussions of these kinds of texts.